I did not yell or scream but all the people in my house knew I was not a happy camper. I know I said something to my daughter about not being allowed to play in the living room anymore because she did not clean up after herself. I don’t remember everything I said, but do remember my daughters heart wrenching words in response to my word and actions. Soft spoken words that sliced my heart in to tiny pieces and have echoed though my mind for days now.
“Do you still love me?” A tiny voice with words as heavy as a ton of bricks. Of course, I dropped to my knees and looked into her amazing blue eyes.
“Of course, I still love you. Nothing you could ever do would make me not love you!”
At first, I struggled with some major mommy guilt. I mean, I came home and instead of letting my precious children know how much I had missed them while I was gone I had made my child wonder if I still loved her. Major mom fail but I used that moment to flip the switch. I went from upset mom mode to mom focused on her children’s heart and soul needs. I forgave them for disobedience and myself for my poor attitude. Then I spend some time with them, really focusing on them. We played pretend and spent time talking about things like Pokemon, white dinosaurs, and princesses. The day wrapped to an end and things were okay again.
Except that moment and those words kept returning to my mind. Not in a mom feeling guilty sort of way, but in a hey, listen up there is something more to this way. I was reminded that just as I felt that gut wrenching love and pain for my daughter when she asked If I still loved her, Jesus feels that way about me.
When I fail miserably. When I doubt. When I sin. When I repeat the same stupid mistakes over and over. When I disobey like my children did. When my heart cries out from the guilt and disappointment of my own sin. God. Still. Loves. Me. Oh, how He loves me. I could not fathom how my precious child could think I would love her less over such a thing. I can’t help find hope that even as much as I love my children, God has a love for me that is even bigger than that. That is pretty big love.
So, the next time you fall, fail, flat out disobey and find yourself buried in the weight of your sin, take heart, dear child of God, you are loved. You have a father aching to lean down to you, take you in his arms and love you regardless of your sins.