Today, I was hit with a wave of sorrow over many things in my life. I have a deep drive to do what is right and be pleasing to the Lord, but I fall so short in so many moments of everyday. I get frustrated with my own failures. I feel as If there is always someone out there who can do things better than I can. Doubts begin to cloud my thoughts. I don't doubt Gods love, his grace, or even his forgiveness but I doubt that I am useful tool to him as broken as I am. Oh, but how he always has a balm for my brokeness in his word.
As I walked past my desk today feeling a bit foggy and disheartened something prodded me to swoop up my bible . When I opened it up it I was drawn to an verse I had previously underlined and circle. As I breathed in the words of God I felt a blanket of comfort rest on my soul that I can only find in him.
So do not throw away your confidence: it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little while, He who is coming will come and not delay. My righteous one will live by faith and If he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him. " Hebrews 10:35-38 NIV
Persevering is not a fun thing to do. It is the long muddy stretch in life where you feel like you have been pushing forward only to find you have only moved a few painful steps. It is the long silent stretches of waiting for something you can not see clearly in front of you. It is found in the heartache of losing a loved one, after the funeral has passed, as you move through life like a visitor in your own skin. It is the heartache between conceiving a child and watching them face the trials of life as they grow into adults.
In faith, it is to keep pushing forward when everything seems to be pushing you back. It is choosing to love when it is easier not to. It is standing firm in the promises of the word when the the world shouts that you are wrong. It is running forward when you want to run away.
Persevering is not an easy thing but we must do it because it is what we are called to do. It is trusting that God can and will move and work through his people, however broken or unworthy they are because he is a God who is big enough to anything. So in the moments when you want to give up, instead of beating yourself , reach for your bible (in whatever form you wish!) and let the word of God give you peace, conviction, and encouragement.